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Writer's pictureBeckie Croes

Our daughter was like a guest in our home

Updated: Mar 3, 2021

If you have been following along with our family on our journey to safety, health and happiness (https://www.eight2eightpursuits.com/post/trading-a-year-for-a-lifetime), you know that our daughter spent time in the Utah desert at a wilderness therapy program and is now attending a therapeutic boarding school.


Unlike the time in the wilderness, the program at the boarding school allows for parental visits. In the early stages, there are no visits at all (but there are weekly phone calls!). As she progressed, we were allowed to have our daughter for a few hours at a time, returning her to the dorm in the evening. We were so pleased during one of our visits to be told we could keep her overnight for the first time – the hotel room I had reserved was hardly ideal, but we were so very elated that we did not care.


We then started to prepare for home visits. Home visits are not intended to be vacations away from school and therapy, but rather more like “practice runs” of what life will be like when our daughter is home with us permanently. We worked out the “new norms” and set expectations before we even had the date set for the first visit home.


It was a good thing we were working on the “new norms” because Hurricane Beta (remember, we ran out of letters to name hurricanes in 2020 and had to resort to the Greek alphabet) was heading towards the school and we were allowed a surprise home visit. It took me only 20 minutes to gather myself together and head out of town to bring her home.


And I was bringing her home EXACTLY one year from the day that she left it. She left home the morning of October 8, 2019 and slept again in her own bed on the night of October 8, 2020. We know that God did not create the hurricane so that our daughter could have her first home visit on such an auspicious day, but He sure did use it.


We have since had a second home visit for Thanksgiving and we are looking forward to one at Christmas.


But I must confess…it felt like there was a guest in our home.


She was no longer familiar with the routines of our household. She had no places to be or activities she needed to accomplish. We had to make sure she was entertained, staying busy and not subjected to anything that could cause a set-back.


It was honestly like having an out of town visitor staying with us.


Please do not misunderstand – I was so thrilled to have my daughter home and we absolutely loved baking together, watching movies, snuggling…all the little things we have so missed. But I realize that we ALL have work to do.


Our daughter was a significant piece of our family puzzle. The hard work that she is doing now will cause her to be a slightly different shape when she returns. She will no longer fit precisely into the space she once occupied.

But the home visits have caused me to realize that the rest of the puzzle has also changed shape. When our daughter was previously in our home, we molded ourselves to fit her needs. In her absence, we created a different “normal”, which will need to change again upon her much anticipated return.


“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin


I think we got this!


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